There is Light

Little blog of mine.. The last thing I have written in my drafts is an update on the baby at 10 weeks from August 25, 2014. It's been so long since I've opened this site, it took me a minute to remember how to access it. It's 3:00 a.m. and I couldn't sleep, and somehow, my thoughts landed here.

I have heartburn and the baby has the hiccups. So, I'm awake. Instead of tossing and turning and waking my little family, all cozied up together in our tiny little room (more on that later..), I got up and came here to write.

We went to Georgia for Christmas. We spent 10 blissful days at my parents' house. Everyone was home from college so we spent our time at home together, hanging out with my siblings (I love them so), being silly, eating a lot, just enjoying being together, celebrating, and having nothing to do and nowhere to be. Emmett being spoiled rotten all the while. I hung out with my parents who I miss so much. We celebrated my brother Luke's engagement and got to know his sweet fiance. We were sick, the whole lot of us, with fevers and flu and sinus infections, but what's a little vomiting and fever when it's Christmas and we're all together? I just remember the bliss.

We flew home after 10 awesome days. It was a long day of hard goodbyes and lots of traveling and we were so ready to get into our own beds when we pulled up to the house after 8:00 that night. I got Emmett out of the car while Ray went to unlock the doors. I heard him say a couple of times "Something's not right," but I thought he just meant the lock was stuck or something. When he opened the door...

Most of the house, our sweet little rental we've come to love so much, was under 2 inches of water. His feet sloshed as he walked inside. We heard loud sounds of water pouring onto tile, but I still didn't comprehend what had happened- my pregnant brain is slow these days. Then as we entered the living room we saw a huge gaping hole where our ceiling had been and pink insulation covering our couches and the ugly peach carpet. We knew it was bad.

We called our landlord and Ray's dad. She called a neighbor and her son who lives close by and we soon had the water turned off. We thought a pipe had burst from the little bout of freezing temperatures that we'd missed over the last couple of days. Turns out we were half right.

We didn't panic. We didn't even talk much about our wet things or what we may have lost. It was late and we went into survival mode. My mother-in-law was with us and she quickly drove Emmett and I to her house for the night while Ray and the other men stayed behind to assess the damage and close up the house for the night. There wasn't much for us to do at that point so we all went to bed.

There were so many ups and downs that first week, and into the second. We are still staying at my in-laws' (they are saints!), all three of us in a tiny bedroom. Our things are all packed away in our garage while they work on the house, so we're still living out of the suitcases we brought to Georgia. Now that it's been almost three weeks and it looks like renovations will take at least another three, we're thinking of ways to settle in for the long haul and make things easier for us and Ray's family.

We've looked for short-term rental options, knowing this process of rebuilding will take some time, but we haven't found a good fit. Two weeks ago I wouldn't believe my own ears at hearing this, but it's starting to look like staying put at Ray's parents' is the best option for us. Living, all three of us, in a tiny room in a crowded house seemed so awful at first, but it's amazing what you can get used to. Now, I think it's kind of cozy. Emmett loves being able to see us from his little crib next to our bed, and I love waking up and hearing him breathe and being able to see him whenever I want during the night. It's such a comfort, this late in my pregnancy, when my emotions are strong and I'm starting to mourn the last weeks with him as my one and only baby boy.

There have been so many ups and downs. At first, we thought we'd lost quite a bit to water damage, but we were able to dry and clean our white couches. They were such a dream come true and we would have been pretty devastated to lose them. Even Ray's TV didn't suffer too much and after a bit of drying seems to work like a charm. The only thing we couldn't salvage was his computer. That was a decent blow but we've already replaced it and I'm counting my blessings. None of Emmett's baby clothes were even touched by the water. Now that some time has passed, I see all of the little blessings in this.

When you're in your third trimester and your house gets ripped apart right in front of your eyes, you kind of panic a bit. I spent the first couple weeks in a fog of fear and anxiety and intense emotional stress, worrying about how this will all work out. Will the house be finished in time for the baby to come? How will we break Emmett of this habit of sleeping all together? How is he going to handle all of this chaos? I want so badly to give him an easy, stress-free few weeks before this baby comes and changes his whole world so drastically. My heart hurt as I mourned the peace I want so much for my family right now.

Everything seemed so BIG. My emotions were on high-alert and it didn't take much to send me crashing. One day as I dropped Emmett off at school, his first day back after the holidays and me missing him after being together so much for a few weeks, I dropped my phone and shattered the screen. I'm embarrassed at how much I cried that morning. Every little thing felt like that last straw, or at least another straw that broke my back and sent me careening into the depths of despair. It feels a bit silly looking back but I felt like my life was spiraling out of control and I was desperate for a little bit of good news. The Apple store fixed my phone for free that afternoon.

Yesterday, Ray finally met with a contractor and the insurance adjustor (our landlord's homeowner's insurance is covering all of the damages and beginning renovations soon) to discuss plans for the renovations. They found asbestos in the ceilings (which had fallen into the floor and spread throughout the house) initially, so they tore out all of the carpet, all of the ceilings, and two feet of drywall at floor-level throughout the house. One of the bathrooms has been gutted and every room but the kitchen and our bathroom will be completely refitted.

So now, we're almost three weeks out. I'm almost 32 weeks pregnant. But I'm not afraid anymore. I'm not even all that stressed anymore. I'm starting to see the light.

Sometimes I think maybe I'm being dramatic about all of this, or that maybe people see it that way. But we loved our house. We felt so settled there and had really turned it into a home over the last couple of months. Coming home and seeing all of our things wet and covered in debris is incredibly disconcerting and overwhelming. I knew right away that things are just things and that what really mattered was my family, and thank God we were safe. But finding yourself suddenly without the home you loved so much, at 29 weeks pregnant, is a violent thing. Living out of a tiny room in your in-laws' home isn't easy for anyone, and it's not easy for them having us. But we're all making the best of it and it won't be forever. We're getting through this, one day at a time.

There's light. I can see light.