Home Away From Home: July 2012

It's been almost a week since my little Emmett was born. Best week ever!!! Emmett is an ANGEL so far- so so sweet, so easy, and so cute! He eats like a champ, sleeps for long periods (which means mom gets some rest too), and he gives me more joy and happiness than I ever could have imagined. He's really the best thing ever.

I'll write about his birth story more later, but I wanted to jot down a few of the things that have stood out to me this week before I forget them forever.

When they first handed Emmett to me he was crying of course, but as soon as I started talking to him he calmed right down and just stared at me with total recognition. He knew I was his mama as soon as he heard my voice. How amazing is that? It was such a sweet moment watching him realize it was me. I just held him and stared back in so much awe. He was so beautiful.
Watching Ray those first few minutes was enough to break my heart a million times. He was so calm and relaxed during my labor, which really helped me to stay calm, and once Emmett was out it was so fun to watch his reactions. He seemed a little timid at first, and I have to admit I hogged the baby for as long as they let me, but Ray was so sweet, standing over us and watching and he kept saying how cute Emmett was. I could tell he was in love right away. He has been the biggest help to me so far- he jumps to help me with everything I need, he loves to hold Emmett and spend time with him, and he still keeps saying how cute he thinks he is. It's true- he's really really cute!
Being a new mom is overwhelming and incredibly emotional. This is something I expected of course, but it's worth saying. You become so filled with love all in one tiny moment, and your entire life changes. Not to mention all the incredible and intense changes your body goes through in such a short time. The first few days were such a high and so so wonderful. I have never been so happy and everything feels so perfect. But it's a roller coaster as well. You worry about your baby and you worry about being the perfect mom, and I find myself putting a lot of pressure on myself to do everything and be everything and it's starting to wear me out. I'm trying to remind myself to take it slow and to learn as I go.
Breastfeeding is hard. It hurts! But it's worth it. I was nervous about breastfeeding because I've read that so many moms have a really hard time with it, but with Emmett, it's a breeze. About an hour after he was born he sort of crawled his way down to my boob and with almost no effort at all he latched on and held on and he's been nursing like a champ ever since. But still, it's hard. I feel so badly for mom's who have to work really hard to feed their babies. It would break my heart to watch Emmett struggle to feed. Especially with my emotions being as raw and delicate as they are- I'm sure it leaves you feeling inadequate and like you're failing. That would be so hard. I'm praying for those moms! Today I pumped for the first time and HATED it. I had my first real break down afterwards because it hurt and it was awful and I just never want to do it again, but I have to because I'll have to pump a lot when I go back to work. Emmett wanted to eat soon after I finished pumping, and Ray wanted to feed him with a bottle because I'd just emptied all my milk, but I couldn't handle that and cried like a baby all over again. I'm just not ready to let go of that special time with him. Like I said, it's all very delicate when you're a new mom.

I'm sure there's more but Emmett is laying next to me with the sweetest little look on his face and I need to go snuggle him before I explode. I miss him even when he's right next to me. I'll leave you to bask in all the cuteness with a few pictures from Emmett's first few days in this world. Enjoy!