Thursday, May 9, 2013

Rough Morning

I know I've been complaining a lot in this space lately y'all, so if you're over it, don't read this post!

This just sorta sums up how I'm feeling today. Thanks Nacho Libre.
This morning was a rough one. Ray leaves almost an hour before I do for work every morning. He rides his bike (bless him) so that I can drive our car, and his work day starts earlier than mine, so I usually have just enough time for a quick shower before he's out the door.  Which means I'm still dripping when I'm left alone with Emmett.

Some mornings are great- Emmett plays quietly while I get dressed and maybe run a blow dryer through my hair real quick, and then we head downstairs for breakfast. We play for a few minutes before Lucia comes downstairs, and then I finish getting ready while she finishes Emmett's breakfast. Some days it works just fine and I get to spend a little bit of time with the boy before heading to work.

Today was not one of those days.

Emmett was up basically every half hour from 3 until finally getting up for the day at 6:20. So we were tired. I mean we're always tired, but the last few days (after a not-so-relaxing trip last weekend) have been hard. So this morning was already off to a rough start when we woke up.

Poor guy was out of sorts himself, since he was up half the night, so he followed me around while I tried to get ready crying and pulling on my legs to pick him up. Days like this are so hard for me. I have to brush my teeth and get dressed and pack up my things for the day, but he's crying and needs me so I also have to give him love and attention. I can only give half of my attention to Emmett all morning, and end up leaving for work feeling like a failure at everything. I didn't get to spend any real time playing with him because getting ready took forever with him on my hip, and I didn't pack a lunch or snacks or even some of the pump things I needed because I was trying to fit in some time with the baby. Gah.

So on days like today, I cry the whole way to work and already feel like the day is a waste before it really even begins. I can just imagine the thoughts running through my coworkers' minds when I walk in: "How many days in a row is she going to wear those pants?" "I see she's wearing a stained shirt.. Again." "Maybe she lost her make up bag?" And other negative things.

I know y'all are sick of hearing about all of this, but it really does make me feel better to write it down and share it with you. Because I know that everyone has bad days, and I know a lot of mamas who can relate.

Update:
Now that the day is over I can look back and reflect. I am aware of all the ways I am blessed. I'm lucky to have a husband who comes home from a hard day at work to make me dinner and brownies because he loves me. I'm lucky to have the world's sweetest baby boy, to miss while I'm at work. I'm  so lucky to have my wonderful sister Lucia here in my home taking care of my baby. And I'm lucky to have a really great job that allows me to help take care of my family.

I'm blessed, and lucky, and today wasn't so bad after all.

2 comments:

  1. I have two thoughts. Sometimes our heads are full of thoughts that just aren't true but we choose to believe them as if they were true. It's really important that we know what God the Father thinks about us. He sees you as beautiful. He sees you as someone who is doing the best you can to balance the "unbalanceable" -- when in fact all you can do is try juggle more balls than can be juggled by a normal human. Thought number two is: I wonder how many people we encountered yesterday who were feeling as bad about how they were doing as you were? It made me want to be more aware of those around me who might need a little bit of kindness

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    Replies
    1. You have such a good way of putting things into perspective for me.
      I know I just need to be better about putting on a happy face, because my attitude really does direct my life.

      And your second thought is like a slap in the face for me- in a good way. In a perfect world I would focus on serving others when I'm feeling down or stressed or upset. Putting my energy into loving other people is so much better than putting it into brooding and negative thoughts. I need to remember this.

      Thanks Dad.

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