I Quit My Job Today: A Ramble

I am officially, well, in two weeks, a stay-at-home-mom. Ahhhhhhh!

I put in my two weeks this morning! This is my wildest dream come true. Since before I had Emmett, I knew I wanted to stay home with him, but we just couldn't afford it. We have a mortgage, and bills, and blah blah blah. It just wasn't doable. Until now!

We're sort of being forced into it, because we're losing our free and wonderful Thursday babysitter. Emmett goes to preschool three mornings a week while I work, and then I work a full day Thursday. Without that free full day of childcare, it just doesn't make sense for me to work, because we just can't afford to pay someone for another full day. So, we decided it was time for me to quit.

I have a second job doing freelance writing that I've been doing for about a month from home, and I really love it. So far it's going really well, and I've been able to get a lot done during Emmett's naps and in the evenings. It is a lot to juggle, but I like the work so it's been great.

So now, I'm a stay-at-home-mom. It's all I've ever wanted, but now that it's actually happening? I'm kind of terrified. Will I be good at it? Will I go crazy being home alone with a baby all day, every day? Will I lose my mind? I really like working part time. I like having to get up and get dressed in the morning. I like feeling like I'm contributing to our finances and feeling productive. On Fridays when I'm home with Emmett, we stay in our pj's and take the day really slowly. But that can't be the norm! Right?

I've been a ball of anxiety the last week thinking about all of the change that's coming in our lives. Quitting my job, something I've wanted to do for so long, is a huge step. We're also working really hard to get our house ready to go on the market, and we're hoping it sells quickly. We're living with my in-laws now, and we're hoping to rent a place sometime in the next few months if our house sells. We're trying to decide if we should keep Emmett in his little preschool a couple of mornings a week so that I can work, or if we should take him out to save money. If we do that, it will be a struggle for me to keep working during naptimes and evenings. But, we could really use a little extra money in the bank.

So, lots going on. Lots to be anxious about. Deep down, I know it will all work out, and there's nothing to worry about, but change is scary, especially when it comes in a deluge like it seems to be now. I'm feeling really relieved now that I've spoken to my boss and the ball is officially rolling. I'm actually ecstatic. So excited. A lot of the anxiety melted away and I can't wait to go spend some extra time with my little.

I hope I'll be a better mama to him now that I can be home and more focused on him. I hope I can learn to be content at home, just the two of us. I hope I can learn to let go of the work that needs to be done and just be present to Emmett while I'm with him. I know this will be a time of growing and learning and stretching myself, which is always a good thing. I'm ready for this, and can't wait to get started!

Seeing more of this sweet face can never be a bad thing!