I've been thinking a lot about
what I said (typed) the other day. I've realized that I was focusing on the negative things that have happened the last few months, and not giving enough thought to the blessings we've experienced. So, I'm going to re-tell the story, with a new perspective.
After a year + of working full-time, and spending so much time away from Emmett, I was given the unexpected opportunity to stay home part time. This opportunity presented itself as a seemingly negative out-of-the-blue how-are-we-gonna-get-through-this surprise, but almost immediately I saw it for the blessing-in-disguise that it really was. It's been a huge gift to our family in so many ways and I'm incredibly thankful for this change.
After being open to another baby for months, we became pregnant with our second child in August. I carried him for 8 short but beautiful weeks before he went to heaven to wait for us. I loved those weeks with him, and I'm so grateful for that time. Once the problems began, so many friends and family members and even strangers began to pray for us, and we experienced so much joy and peace during those weeks. After I lost the baby, I experienced an outpouring of love and grace thanks to all of the prayers, cards, text messages, and emails sent to me by all of the people who love me. I encountered so many women who've experienced the loss of a child, and I knew that I wasn't alone. So many of you reached out to me to let me know that I'd be okay, and that you were praying for us. I feel so loved and so blessed by all of you.
We've struggled with finding the perfect child-care for Emmett as long as we've had him. Every time we get into a good routine, something changes and we find ourselves searching once again for the perfect solution. When Lucia moved home, we knew we wanted to put Emmett into a daycare-type situation part time so that he could spend time with other children, and we ended up finding a place that we really really love. It's a pre-school run by a church just down the street from our house. They take infants up to 5 years old, and Emmett has really grown to love it. He's excited to go in the mornings and he's playing happily right until I scoop him up to take him home in the afternoon. I love his teachers and all of the staff and really couldn't be happier with the whole program. This has been such an enormous relief for me! It makes going to work so much easier, and I know God is using that place to bless me and many other families.
A few weeks ago, we moved in with Ray's parents, which has been hard and humbling in a lot of ways. But it's also been a huge blessing. It's taken a big financial weight off of our shoulders, allowed us to relax a little bit, and has given me the freedom to work part time and spend the rest of my time at home with Emmett. It's allowed us to spend more time with family which I know is a huge gift for Emmett, and it's helped us to simplify our life. We are in a much smaller space than we're used to, so we've scaled down our possessions and life just seems simpler now.
Before my hours were cut, we were always in a rush. We rushed to get ready each morning and then flew out the door just in time to get Emmett to school and then sped to get to work on time. We rushed home in the evenings in time to throw dinner together and spend a few measly minutes with Emmet before we rushed through his bedtime routine and put him down to sleep. Everything we did was rushed and stressed and exhausting. Now, we can relax. We have time to spend together, time to talk to each other and listen to each other and time to just be as a family. We play with Emmett and watch him learn and love every single minute of it. We don't have to worry about making dinner every night because we have dinner with Ray's family most evenings. What a blessing.
While the last few months have been so hard and have stretched us and forced us to change our plans and our minds over and over again, we've also been blessed in so many beautiful ways. We are being forced to trust in God and in His plan for our life, but He's given us the grace and the peace that we've needed as well. He's holding us in His hands, and we feel that every day. We are blessed y'all, and we can't wait to see what comes next.
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