Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Holiday Recovery

The weeks following a holiday are always tough. Especially when said holiday was smack in the middle of a week long vacation. And even worse when said vacation was spent at home with my family. Gah, I love those people and miss them a thousand times more after being with them for a solid week. When I'm home I'm in this happy little bubble. Packing up and heading to the airport is like bursting that bubble- real life comes rushing back in like bad air being forced into my lungs. I always spend a couple of weeks afterwards in a funk, questioning my life and so crazy homesick I almost can't handle it. Eventually things get back to normal and I get used to our life again and I remember that I'm where I'm supposed to be, at least for now.

We're all in recovery. Ray's doing fine as far as I can tell, but he sees that it's hard for me so it's hard for him too. Emmett has been super clingy and hasn't stopped saying "mamamamamama" all day long since we've been back. He senses that we're home again and life has to go back to normal. He cries when I drop him off at school again and follows me into the bathroom. He always has a hard time adjusting after a week spent all together. I don't blame him- it's hard for me too.

Whenever I'm in Georgia my mind just reels with questions. Why do I live so far away from here? Why are we in Arizona again?! How can I live so far away from all of these people I love and need so much? How can I bear to tear Emmett away from them and break their hearts when we leave again? Could I live here again, after all these years? Which place is better? Which place is better for Emmett? Where are we supposed to be? Is there a right answer?

Ray says there isn't a right answer, and I think that's true. We love living where we do. We love our city and the weather most of the year and the friends we have here. We're starting to build a community and we love that. There are so many things that make sense for us here, but there are struggles too. Here I will always have to work. Here we struggle to pay our bills more often than not. There, we have so much family and so many friends and would fit right into an amazing community of people. Emmett would have so many little friends and cousins and would grow up surrounded by family. Most of the people I love are there and they love us and Emmett so much. There, we could relax. I could work less and spend more time being a mama to our kids (if/when we have more). But it's a small town and there isn't much to do and there isn't anything attractive about the place itself, other than the people.

So there isn't a right answer. At least not on paper. Right now I'm trying to be confident in the fact that this is where God has us, and this is where we're meant to be. For now. Maybe that will change one day. I hope it does, because y'all, I miss my brothers and sisters and my parents. They are so important to me and such a huge part of who I am and I need them in my life so badly. Watching them love on Emmett and watching him getting to know them is my very favorite thing. It makes my heart so happy and full. I would give anything to bring all of the people and all of the good parts of both places together into one perfect place, but until then, I will stay put, and do my best to be content.

Cousins

Ree- Emmett's biggest fan!

Papa!! The world's best grandpa.

5 comments:

  1. I know EXACTLY how you feel! I'm always in a funk when I leave my family and friends in Iowa. After having Ted, it was so much more! When I am in AZ, I yearn for my close family and friends in Iowa. When I am there, I miss the awesome community of people and OLMC...Ray's right, there is no one answer. I think it's about trying to be thankful for where God has you right now. Remember, it's a great problem to have...to have two great places you know you could raise your family! Doesn't make it any easier though ;-)

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    1. Kellie isn't it so hard!? Having a little one makes it that much more difficult. But you're right, I miss AZ when I'm home too. I'm working on doing that- just being thankful for where I am and not worrying about it too much. :)

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  2. Living far away from family actually solidified our marriage and strengthened our appreciation for family. Listen to your heart and go with your gut. There may not be a right answer, but I do know that God watches out for us and life is one crazy ride. You never know where you'll end up! Merry Christmas!

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    1. Jessie- you're right- not being near my family has forced me to rely heavily on my husband for support, which has helped to solidify our relationship and I am grateful for that!
      Merry Christmas!

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  3. Oh my stars it would be amazing to have you here!!

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