Monday, March 3, 2014

Currently. Nine

Thinking about: My mind, and how it's always racing these days. Is that just motherhood? I used to have a quiet mind. I used to be able to relax, rest, to just be. These days, my mind races with the million things that need doing, the things that need worrying about. Of course I know that worrying doesn't help. I know that God is in control of my life and that my worrying is of absolutely no consequence to how things will turn out. But still, I worry.

This weekend we moved into our new place. It was a crazy weekend, full of ups and downs and sometimes I feel like my whole life is an emotional roller coaster. The lows are low and the highs are higher than I knew they could be. But life didn't use to have those highs and lows for me. I never thought of myself as an emotional person, until I had Emmett and even more after Oliver. My heart is more sensitive than ever before, and my mind is full of thoughts and anxieties, day in and day out. Resting in the quiet is harder than ever before.

My husband worked so hard this weekend to get us moved in and settled before the new week began. He works so hard for us, always. I'm struck by him, by his selflessness and his servant's heart, so often. He's a good father and a gentle and loving husband. When I see the good in him it's almost like a mirror, reflecting back on me my own flaws. When I see him do so much good for us, it makes me realize all the ways I'm failing to do good for he and Emmett and makes me want to be better.

Photo of us at a wedding last weekend, courtesy of Nick Garza of Square One Photography.
Over the weekend I was reflecting on that saying (there are probably a few sayings) about how you marry one person, but that person changes over and over again and marriage is about falling in love with that new person over and over again. Or learning to love the new person. The saying is fuzzy in my mind but the point is, my husband is still the man I married two and a half years ago, only better. He is everything I thought he would be as a husband and a father. But am I? I feel like a very different person than I was when we married. With more thoughts, more anxieties, more fears and worries, and more love too. I'm not sure if I'm who he was expecting when he married me, but I do know that he loves me still, and loves me well.

Emmett insisted on wearing a tutu at our friend Evie's last week.
He makes a cute ballerina. ;)
Watching: The Oscars! I only watched until about nine last night but I'm still buzzing over it. I love a good red carpet and last night did not disappoint! Lupita Nyong'o was so beautiful, and that speech she gave had me in tears! And of course JLaw was her usual beautiful, awkward, amazing self.  I also loved Jared Leto's speech. And just looking at Jared Leto all night. Here's a fun summary.

Looking forward to: Just living, as a family, in our new house. I'm looking forward to afternoons in the back yard with Emmett. Dinners just the three of us. Quiet evenings at home with Ray, binge-watching House of Cards and eating dinner in front of the tv. I'm looking forward to having friends over to play or have dinner, sharing our home again. I'm excited to decorate, to clean and do laundry in my own laundry room! To hang pictures in Emmett's room and set up his little play room. All the things we've been missing the past few months. We are so excited to be moved in to our own place again!

Bubbles with friends in our back yard yesterday. That yard is my favorite part of this new house!

I hope you had a lovely weekend! Linking up with Jenny & of course, the lovely ladies at A Mama Collective!

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  1. So excited for you and your new home!!!
    Emmett cracks me up--he seems like such a little personality, with his lovey dangling from his pacifier, to the tutu, to the little expressions on his fun ;)

    1. Ha! He's such a mess these days. He's so in to everything, he's wearing me out but I love it so much! He is absolutely a big personality. He's in that in between stage, wanting to be a kid but still holding on to his baby things. I don't want him to grow up!!

  2. God Bless Your Heart. I know the pain of miscarriage. I was only blessed with one child at the age of 40. I try to be ok with it and mostly I am. But boy does it hurt sometimes. I am thankful you are young and able to hopefully have more. Praying for you.
    That said - you have a beautiful family and so many blessings.
    The pictures are so great.
    I love Emmett in Tutu. LOVE

    1. Thank you Em! God bless your heart as well. I try to imagine what life would be like with just one, and I know I would be grateful, just like you are, but my heart aches for more children.
      I appreciate your prayers and your kind words so much!

  3. So excited for your new home and what's to come of it :) I know you will make it spectacularly beautiful. And then come do mine next ;) ~Jenna



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