Tuesday, February 18, 2014

What a Difference a Year Can Make

Our second installment of the month-long "Love in Motherhood" series is today! Read along, check out the hosts, and link-up if you'd like. We'd love to see how love rewrote your story.

What a difference a year can make. 

This time last year I was heading into what seems like the hardest summer of my life. Emmett was seven months old, and I missed him. I was working full time, and hating it so, so much. I cried each and every morning as I headed off to work, leaving Emmett with my sister. She was wonderful and took great care of him, but I wanted it to be me spending days with my tiny little angel baby. What a difference a year can make.


I thought I would work full time forever. We were struggling financially as it was, so we couldn't imagine a way for me to stay home, even part time. I complained and cried and made my poor husband as miserable as I was. It was awful. 

My dad was so encouraging. When I said I just couldn't make it another day like this, he reminded me that I could, and I was. I was making it through each day, and I was okay. He told me to thank God for the life I was leading. To thank Him for the job that I had, the job that I hated. He told me to praise God and to learn to love my circumstances. And to ask God to change them. So that's what I did.

I stopped complaining. I stopped crying (at least in front of people), and I started finding the positive in my days. My sister brought Emmett to see me on my longest days and that helped. I prayed, and thanked God for the things I had and the gifts I'd been given, and He slowly began to change my heart. I pushed through the awful summer, and in July we found out we were pregnant.

All of the frustration and anxiety and helplessness came back like a wave crashing over me. How in the world would I continue to work full time with two kids? I knew God didn't make me a mother twice just so I could leave my babies with someone else all day. I knew this couldn't be the way life was supposed to be for us. I called my dad in tears, and he talked me through it. He gave me sound advice like he always does and he told me to buck up. We would be okay. He reminded me to thank God for the life I'm living, and to ask Him to change my circumstances. So that's what I did.



A few weeks later, I miscarried. In the midst of that pain, my hours were cut in half at work, and we couldn't believe this was happening to us. Thank God for my husband. He jumped into action, and came up with a plan. We cut down all of our bills. We moved in with Ray's parents in November so that we could sell our house. We're still working on that, but it's all falling into place. We hardly spent any money on Christmas gifts and somehow, we were okay. We had enough to pay our bills each month, by the grace of God.

We flew to Georgia to visit my family for Thanksgiving, and while we were there a dear friend of mine mentioned a job she thought I'd be perfect for. It was writing, which I love, and it was freelance, so I could do it from home. It seemed too good to be true, so I jumped at the opportunity and got the job. I started in December and it has been the most wonderful blessing for our family.

In January, one of our babysitters had to quit. We knew that meant it was time for me to quit my now part-time job and stay home with Emmett. I would take on more freelance work, and we would hope for the best. I was terrified at first. You know what that's like - you have a dream that you never imagine will come true. You think about it night and day and then when it finally happens, you're afraid. Because what if it's nothing like you imagined? I worried about what I would do with my time, and wondered if I'd get bored and frustrated with Emmett. I was anxious about finding time for my work and worried that I'd get too caught up in it to be present to Emmett.

Then I realized that none of that mattered. I was being given an incredible gift. All I ever wanted, from the time I was a little girl, was to be a mama. Nothing else matters. So I stopped being afraid and started getting excited.

Now I work from home while Emmett naps and a couple of mornings a week while he's at preschool. I really enjoy the work and it's been enough to provide what our family needs. It's been wonderful. I keep busy by baking and cooking and finally getting all the laundry done. I spend hours reading to Emmett and singing with him and teaching him things. We babysit one of Emmett's friends on Thursdays and we love that too.



I asked God to change our circumstances, and He did. Not in the way I expected, not in the way I would have chosen, but He knew I needed a push and He gave me one. If my hours hadn't been cut when they were, I would still be working full time. He opened the door for this new job for me and I am so thankful for that. We made sacrifices, we still are, but I wouldn't change a thing. I don't want money as much as I want time with Emmett. To see him learning and growing and turning into a little boy each day. That's what's important. 

I know staying home isn't for everyone. It's not easy. There are days when I'm bored to tears while Emmett takes his nap. Days when I fail at so many things. Days when we get nothing done and make endless messes. That's okay. This is just where I want to be.

What a difference a year can make.

THE HOSTESSES:
  1. Anna Kate of Home Away from Home
  2. Jen of Defining My Happy
  3. Jess of Sadie Sky Boutique
  4. Jenna & Mary of A Mama Collective
HOW IT WORKS: First, head to each of the hostess’ sites to check out their posts!
Then, write your own post about Love in Motherhood. We want you to tell how love rewrote your story!
You will then link up on any ONE of the hostess’ sites. Our links will be interlinked which means that your post will be displayed on all of our sites!

We will have a new post go live every single Tuesday for four weeks to continue to spread the love in motherhood story. You are welcome to link up with us every. single. time. Or just once. You choose!
Please share on instagram with the hashtag #loveinmotherhood so we can support each other. We can't wait to see what you all have to say about the journey of love in motherhood for you.

18 comments:

  1. Love this, so sweet & so true!!! Glad that everything worked out for you mana, Emmett is one handsome little boy!!

    wordsaboutwaverly.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  2. SO beautiful, AK. I'm really jelly of you right now. Our babysitter just gave us six weeks, and I would LOVE the opportunity to work from home in some capacity. That would be a dream. I'll pray that God change my circumstances. Your dad sounds amazing :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's worth a try! You never know how He might provide. And yes, my dad is amazing. :)

      Delete
  3. This is beautiful! Your dad is a wise man. I too, have seen God work miracles in our lives to provide for us. :) So happy your dream came true!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Jessie! He sure is wise. I hope I remember this next year, and the year after that when things don't seem to be going my way. :)

      Delete
  4. I love the moral of the story: that it wasn't exactly how you would have done it, but it turned out nonetheless! And now you get to be home with your son. So sweet! Congratulations, by the way, on the freelance job!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes! Exactly. What an awesome lesson to learn. Things are almost never just as we imagine, but usually so much better. Thank you!!

      Delete
  5. So so lovely!! Sweet. Thank you for sharing your heart! xoxoxo

    ReplyDelete
  6. It's so true that God answers our prayers but not how we'd expect. Your story resonated a lot with my own journey over the past six months…went from working full time with three kids three and under to being a stay at home mom through the providential but un-fun problem of serious postpartum depression. I'm glad you can be home now, and glad that you have such a wise and loving father to give you encouragement and advice.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Jenny! Praying that your postpartum depression has left for good! It's funny how something awful can put changes into place that end up being for the best. God works in mysterious ways!

      Delete
  7. This reminds me of that old saying, "God writes straight with crooked lines.". What a good exercise it is to look back and realize all the good that God has written in our lives. Thank you :0)

    ReplyDelete
  8. I think it is beautiful how your prayer changed your heart, your life, your family.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you! It's amazing when prayer works! ;)

      Delete
  9. Oh, this is beautiful--made me cry :). I have such a similar story. God is so good. In the end, I'm always so thankful I didn't get to plan it. His way is always, always, always, always better than mine!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you! You're right, I am thankful it happened the way it did, even though it was really hard in the middle! It's such a good reminder that I shouldn't worry, or be anxious, because God always has a plan. :)

      Delete

LinkWithin

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...