Our Child is a Terrorist

Don't freak out everyone, he's not really a terrorist. Unless you're his mom, or his dad. Then he's definitely a terrorist.

This last week, Emmett started throwing tantrums. Insane, loud, ugly, mean, nasty, day-long tantrums. We have no idea where they came from, but they are here y'all, and they are crazy! When he wants me to pick him up, tantrum. When he wants me to put him down half a second later, tantrum. He used to sign "please" or "more" or "all done", but no more. Now it's just screams and screeches and flailing and more screams.

Since he started daycare last week, he's been super attached to me. "Mamamamama" all day, always wanting to be held, pulling on my shirt begging to be nursed (we're working so hard to wean him, but he's not having it). He wakes up 13 times a night just screaming/screeching and calling for me, then falls asleep again, so tired. Separation anxiety is the worst!

We spent the weekend trying to head off tantrums, taking him to a birthday party, to the park, to the splash pad, to the bookstore, just doing anything we could to keep him busy and distracted so he wouldn't yell at us. We're afraid of our own son! Okay that's a major exaggeration, but not really. He's terrifying right now.

I know he's just getting used to a new schedule, new people, new places. I took a lot of time off the last few weeks, so he's become used to me being home most of the time. He freaks out when I leave him, and even follows me into the bathroom. If I leave him at all, it's big fat tears and screams and flailing. It's so sad! He's just playing me though- as soon as I'm gone he's happy, playing with his toys or his friends until he sees me again. Then it's more screams and tears, just enough to punish me.

He's mostly really sweet and fun, but those tantrums are killing us! We've had a rough few weeks, and it's easy to forget that everything going on in our lives affects Emmett too. Poor little thing is just trying to figure it all out and get used to his new schedule. So am I, so I can't blame him!

Balloon obsessed at a friend's birthday party.

Warming up in the sun after running through the sprinkler.

Shivering at the splash pad!

Baby boy loves to be upside down these days. Whatever it takes!

Sleep. Or you know, lack there of.

We miss sleep. We really, really, really miss it.

Emmett has never been a good sleeper. He goes to bed every night, like clockwork, between 6:30 and 7, and "sleeps" until 6 or 6:30. Or at least he did until this week. This week he's tired right on cue at 6:30, we do our normal bedtime routine- bath, lotion (we live in a desert, after all), prayers while I rock him and nurse him a little, and then lay him down with his pacifier while he's awake but sleepy. But then just when I think he's fallen asleep, he pops up again and plays in his crib for a few minutes before crying and crying until I go to check on him. I pick him up, give him a hug, he wants to nurse, so I sit down to rock him some more. Then he doesn't want to nurse, but wants to stand up and laugh and play. What is happening?!

He's never slept through the night. Never once. We've had a handful of nights where he only woke up once in the 12 hour night, but the usual is 2-4 wake ups. Okay the usual is 3-4 wake ups, but really usually 4 lately.

When he wakes up he won't go back to sleep until I pick him up, rock him and nurse him. Then he's out again in less than 5 minutes, easy peasy. If I don't go in and nurse him, or if Ray tries to go in and give him his pacifier and shush him back to sleep, Emmett will cry for an hour or (last night) two before I finally cave and go get him. Pick him up, give him the boob and then he's out within 2 minutes.

We've tried sleep training, we've tried letting him cry it out, we've tried it all. And it worked once, for about two weeks when he was 6 months old. He would still wake up 3 times a night, but he would let Ray go in and give him his pacifier and go right back to sleep. Then he started teething and became inconsolable unless I went in to nurse him back to sleep.

I'm not writing this because I want advice. I've come to realize that so many families have figured out ways to get their babies to sleep, but for us, I feel like it's too late. We missed the sleep training boat months ago, and now we're stuck with a terrible sleeper. My only hope is that one day (soon) our boy will just figure it out on his own, become less dependent on me to help him back to sleep, and he'll learn to go back to sleep on his own when he wakes during the night. Or not, and we'll continue to live on too little broken sleep. We've done it for almost a year now, so I guess we're pretty used to it, and it can't get much worse..... right?

The other part of all of this, and maybe the root cause of all of our sleep troubles, is separation anxiety. Emmett's and mine. We miss each other all day long, so when I'm home, baby boy just needs his mama. He takes really good naps every day, and puts himself to sleep for naps and for the night every day, so I know he can do it. But when he wakes up in the night, he just wants his mama. He wants me to hold him and comfort him. He just wants to know I'm there. I'm home. I haven't left him again.

It's heartbreaking. It's painful. It's hard. I'm so tired, so exhausted, so worn out, all the time. But I miss him just as much as he misses me, and I love the time we spend together in the night. Just the two of us, rocking and holding him tight.

We're getting even less sleep than normal this week, and I'm feeling like Emmett's separation anxiety is at it's peak. He seems desperate for attention from me when I'm home, so I'm doing my best to shower him with love and kisses and cuddles. I know he'll sleep better soon. We'll go from 4 wake ups to 3, then to 2, and one day he'll sleep through the night on his own. And then he won't be my little baby boy anymore, the one who needs his mama so much. He'll be big and strong and independent, and I'll miss these nights, hard as they are, so badly.

Taking a walk at 6 this morning, after a LONG night and a 5:30 wake up call. But the hat! Oh the hat.

Keepin' It Real {2}

I am linking up with Corinna over at Track 8 this morning for the second installment of Keepin' It Real Mondays! I'm so excited about this new link up!

Yesterday Emmett woke up at 5:15. A!M! After an especially grueling night-of-many-wake-ups, I was really hoping to at least make it to the 6 a.m. mark before he started hollerin' at me. I let out a big annoyed sigh just to make sure my husband noticed the depth of my sacrifice, threw on some shorts, and began my day.

Just so you don't feel too sorry for me, let me explain that normally on the weekends Ray gets up with Emmett to let me sleep in, since I'm always up at least twice with Emmett in the night.  But yesterday was Father's Day, so I let him sleep.

We planned to go to the 9 a.m Mass, which is always fun since Emmett usually naps at 9:30ish, but I knew we were especially in for it because of that early wake up. The poor little guy is cutting yet another tooth, and was obviously exhausted, so he pretty much yelled at me non-stop until I put him down for a nap. At 7:30 a.m.

Tired boy, but happy in his chair, as always!

So sleeeeepy!

 Mornings like that are tough. Really tough. And I can't say I handle them well. I get frustrated and exhausted and although I do my best not to show it or take it out on my sweet baby boy, inside I'm a wreck. My husband, on the other hand, is patient and gentle and never loses his cool. He's such a good dad to Emmett, and he helps me to stay calm and makes me a better mama, every day. We are lucky to have him.

Giving me attitude at Father's Day brunch. Cheeky boy.

Did I mention I managed to let my daredevil son fall head-first off our bed the other morning?

P.S: This may be cheating, but I'm also linking up with Mary Beth at Annapolis & Company!

7 Quick Takes!

I am linking up with Jennifer at Conversion Diary today for my very first 7 Quick Takes post!

1. My two wonderful brothers are in town visiting us this weekend, so I am SO excited for the long weekend! I talk to both of my sisters all day long (Lucia lives with us and takes care of Emmett, and Shea is a texting fiend- okay so am I- so we chat a lot). But my brothers are boys, which means they're less communicative, so I always feel so far away from them and I miss them like crazy all the time. I love having them here so much! I almost can't handle how happy I am walking in the door from work and seeing they're really cute faces!

2. It's so hot here in AZ already y'all. I know I've mentioned this before, but I just want y'all to see for yourselves how incredibly horribly hot it already is in May here so you'll feel sorry for me for the rest of the Summer.

3. Emmett has four teeth now y'all. His bottom two teeth have popped through, so here's hoping Ray and I might get a little sleep for the next few days/weeks/years! He's really cute with little teeth!

4. Work has started to be so busy the last couple of weeks. I haven't been able to go home on my lunch breaks to see Emmett like I'm used to doing, and finding time to pump has become really difficult. I guess things are going to have to change for us now that my busy season at work is upon us. I'm going to really cherish the time I have in the mornings and evenings with my boy over the next few months!

5. My dad has moved his blog to a new site, and given it a major redesign. It looks awesome!!! Check it out!

6. I know I already said this, but I'm REALLY looking forward to the long weekend. Tonight after work we are all heading over to a friend's house to hang out at her pool, tomorrow we are going to a friend's birthday party, and Sunday is the best day of all of our lives ever! Netflix is releasing Season 4 of Arrested Development!!! So if you're looking for me for the next year or so, you'll find me on my couch watching each episode over and over until my family hates me and my tv...

7. That's it for me y'all! Happy Friday, and enjoy your long weekend!