Friday Thoughts

When I wrote this post the other day, I was a little bit worried that I might rub people the wrong way. That was absolutely not my intention, but this is such a difficult topic. We moms are a fragile bunch in some ways. We all suffer from mom guilt, and it's so easy to compare our decisions to those of other mamas. So when I talk about how working from home has been a huge blessing for me, and how it's helped me to achieve my goal of being home with Emmett full time, I don't meant to imply in any way that my decision is the only good one.

The way I see it, every single mama is different. Every single family is different. What works for me may not work for you, and that's fine! What I want for my life and my family may not be what you want for yours. And that's great! I have friends who work full time, some who work part time, and others who don't work at all. Each one has her struggles, and each one has her joys.

I have friends who are struggling with their work/life/mom balance right now, and I should have been sensitive to that when writing that post. I am incredibly blessed in my life right now, but it hasn't always been that way. I have struggled, and felt lost and unsure and like I was making all the wrong choices. I am lucky to be on the other side of that now, and I'm praying for those friends who are struggling to find what works for them.

Emmett was so sick yesterday. I've always dreaded the day he had his first stomach bug, and it was just as bad as I'd imagined! He was so panicky every time he would throw up and my heart would just break watching him so sad and confused. He got better little by little throughout the day though and is much better today, thank God!

My little sister's roommate's father was struck by a car today as he took his daily walk with his wife. He was killed on impact and his wife is in critical condition. My heart is breaking for that family, for my sister's dear friend. I can't imagine the pain she must be feeling, and I hate that my sister is having to experience the agony of loss along with her friend at such a young age. What a cruel, awful tragedy.

My own dad is such an important part of my life. I miss him every single day, and can't imagine what life would be like without him. I honestly can't imagine it. I'm hugging my family tight today and praying constantly for those who are missing loved ones. Especially the ones who's wounds are so fresh.

We have lots of out-of-town friends in for a wedding this weekend, so we can't wait to start celebrating with them! I hope you all have a happy, safe and joy-filled weekend!

P.S. If you're looking for the perfect weekend breakfast tomorrow, try this! ;)

What a Difference a Year Can Make

Our second installment of the month-long "Love in Motherhood" series is today! Read along, check out the hosts, and link-up if you'd like. We'd love to see how love rewrote your story.

What a difference a year can make. 

This time last year I was heading into what seems like the hardest summer of my life. Emmett was seven months old, and I missed him. I was working full time, and hating it so, so much. I cried each and every morning as I headed off to work, leaving Emmett with my sister. She was wonderful and took great care of him, but I wanted it to be me spending days with my tiny little angel baby. What a difference a year can make.

I thought I would work full time forever. We were struggling financially as it was, so we couldn't imagine a way for me to stay home, even part time. I complained and cried and made my poor husband as miserable as I was. It was awful. 

My dad was so encouraging. When I said I just couldn't make it another day like this, he reminded me that I could, and I was. I was making it through each day, and I was okay. He told me to thank God for the life I was leading. To thank Him for the job that I had, the job that I hated. He told me to praise God and to learn to love my circumstances. And to ask God to change them. So that's what I did.

I stopped complaining. I stopped crying (at least in front of people), and I started finding the positive in my days. My sister brought Emmett to see me on my longest days and that helped. I prayed, and thanked God for the things I had and the gifts I'd been given, and He slowly began to change my heart. I pushed through the awful summer, and in July we found out we were pregnant.

All of the frustration and anxiety and helplessness came back like a wave crashing over me. How in the world would I continue to work full time with two kids? I knew God didn't make me a mother twice just so I could leave my babies with someone else all day. I knew this couldn't be the way life was supposed to be for us. I called my dad in tears, and he talked me through it. He gave me sound advice like he always does and he told me to buck up. We would be okay. He reminded me to thank God for the life I'm living, and to ask Him to change my circumstances. So that's what I did.

A few weeks later, I miscarried. In the midst of that pain, my hours were cut in half at work, and we couldn't believe this was happening to us. Thank God for my husband. He jumped into action, and came up with a plan. We cut down all of our bills. We moved in with Ray's parents in November so that we could sell our house. We're still working on that, but it's all falling into place. We hardly spent any money on Christmas gifts and somehow, we were okay. We had enough to pay our bills each month, by the grace of God.

We flew to Georgia to visit my family for Thanksgiving, and while we were there a dear friend of mine mentioned a job she thought I'd be perfect for. It was writing, which I love, and it was freelance, so I could do it from home. It seemed too good to be true, so I jumped at the opportunity and got the job. I started in December and it has been the most wonderful blessing for our family.

In January, one of our babysitters had to quit. We knew that meant it was time for me to quit my now part-time job and stay home with Emmett. I would take on more freelance work, and we would hope for the best. I was terrified at first. You know what that's like - you have a dream that you never imagine will come true. You think about it night and day and then when it finally happens, you're afraid. Because what if it's nothing like you imagined? I worried about what I would do with my time, and wondered if I'd get bored and frustrated with Emmett. I was anxious about finding time for my work and worried that I'd get too caught up in it to be present to Emmett.

Then I realized that none of that mattered. I was being given an incredible gift. All I ever wanted, from the time I was a little girl, was to be a mama. Nothing else matters. So I stopped being afraid and started getting excited.

Now I work from home while Emmett naps and a couple of mornings a week while he's at preschool. I really enjoy the work and it's been enough to provide what our family needs. It's been wonderful. I keep busy by baking and cooking and finally getting all the laundry done. I spend hours reading to Emmett and singing with him and teaching him things. We babysit one of Emmett's friends on Thursdays and we love that too.

I asked God to change our circumstances, and He did. Not in the way I expected, not in the way I would have chosen, but He knew I needed a push and He gave me one. If my hours hadn't been cut when they were, I would still be working full time. He opened the door for this new job for me and I am so thankful for that. We made sacrifices, we still are, but I wouldn't change a thing. I don't want money as much as I want time with Emmett. To see him learning and growing and turning into a little boy each day. That's what's important. 

I know staying home isn't for everyone. It's not easy. There are days when I'm bored to tears while Emmett takes his nap. Days when I fail at so many things. Days when we get nothing done and make endless messes. That's okay. This is just where I want to be.

What a difference a year can make.

THE HOSTESSES:

1. Anna Kate of Home Away from Home
2. Jen of Defining My Happy
3. Jess of Sadie Sky Boutique
4. Jenna & Mary of A Mama Collective

HOW IT WORKS: First, head to each of the hostess’ sites to check out their posts!

Then, write your own post about Love in Motherhood. We want you to tell how love rewrote your story!

You will then link up on any ONE of the hostess’ sites. Our links will be interlinked which means that your post will be displayed on all of our sites!

We will have a new post go live every single Tuesday for four weeks to continue to spread the love in motherhood story. You are welcome to link up with us every. single. time. Or just once. You choose!

Please share on instagram with the hashtag #loveinmotherhood so we can support each other. We can't wait to see what you all have to say about the journey of love in motherhood for you.

An InLinkz Link-up

Currently.

Excited about: My first day as a work-from-home mom! So far, so good/scary/exciting/weird. I'm hoping to get a ton of work done while Emmett's at school the next couple of mornings so I can spend our afternoons just loving on him. This is all we ever wanted! So happy.

Watching: Beyonce at the halftime show last year. All the fierce. And this commercial. *Tears*

Thankful for: Friends. I have some really good ones. Lifelong friends who lift my heart when they visit, and new ones who challenge me and teach me and call me on to better things. We are blessed with wonderful friends. The kind who make you feel like a better version of yourself. The kind who love your baby and share their homes and their hearts with you. The kind who fill you up after a long week and leave you strong and ready to take on the world.

Last week a friend was having a hard time, and I wanted to bless her. I decided to pick up some flowers and goodies from Trader Joe's and bring them to her. I always hesitate to do things like that. I want to, but I worry that I'm smothering my friends and you know, it's can be a little bit... uncomfortable to love people. To just do something nice for someone, just because they're having a bad day. Do you ever feel that way? This time, I decided to let go of my fear and step out of my comfort zone, and I'm so, so glad I did.

My friend was so grateful, and it felt great to make her happy. I love my friends and the people in my life so much, so why wouldn't I do whatever I can to show them? I made the decision that day to just be love to my friend. Oh, how I hope I can do that more often.

Thinking about: Community, as always. Each time we get together with friends and their children, I'm overwhelmed with joy and gratitude for the life we live. For the way I was brought up, in community. For the way my baby boy will grow up, surrounded by friends and family. For like-minded people to share our life with. What more do you need?

Little boy is all about piles of toys and books these days.

Our Weekend: On Friday, Emmett and I were feeling suuuuper stir crazy, so Ray found us a cheap ticket to the Aquarium and off we went. It was so fun! The aquarium has been on my list of things to do with Emmett for a long time, so I was really happy to scratch that off our list and do something spontaneous and fun together. Emmett was timid at first, until he saw a little girl his age get excited about the fish. After that, he was really into it. He ooohed at the jelly fish and ahhhed at the sea horses right along with me, and especially loved the whales (any fish bigger than him is a whale. There are no real whales there.) (Also, sorry Shea!)

It was a really fun morning. I can't wait for more mornings like that - Emmett and I, off on adventures together. This is what I've been waiting for!

Saturday was a rough morning. Emmett slept until almost 8, so we were rested and I should have been content, but I was feeling restless and frustrated and let it show. Ray knew that I needed to get out of the house, so he took me to Chic-Fil-A (best breakfast) and then shopping for a birthday gift. We hit up the sales at Gap, and I'm a little bit embarrassed to admit that a little retail therapy left me feeling so much better. I like pretty things, especially at good prices, so it was the perfect thing to knock me out of my funk. The rest of the day was peaceful and nice. I got the urge to cook and bake, so I made us a yummy potato and leek soup and some corn bread, with Salt River bars for dessert. More on that later.

Sunday morning, I woke up with Emmett at 5:30. Ray got up at 6:30 and took over so that I could go back to bed for a bit. Isn't he amazing? We went to Mass and then spent the day just hanging out at home together before going to Jenna's house for Superbowl. I don't care about the game so much as the commercials and the food, so I hardly saw any actual football. It was so great catching up with friends and watching Emmett play and mimic the older kiddos. He is happiest outside in the grass, just running and playing with friends.

I hope you had a lovely weekend! Linking up with Jenny & of course, the lovely ladies at A Mama Collective!

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5 Tips For Work-From-Home Moms!



Disclaimer: I am not an expert. My limited experience with working from home includes my "maternity leave," when I worked pretty much full time from home for six weeks, and then for a few months after that I worked from home one day a week. I've been doing some freelance work from home during Emmett's naps and in the evenings the last few weeks, but I've recently quit my part-time job and will be taking on more freelance work starting next week. I am writing this post mostly for myself, as away to focus my thoughts and as a guide to look back on when I start to feel the "balance" slipping. 

1. Make the most of your "work time."

For me, this means doing my best to be ready, focused and efficient when it's time to work.
Practical tips:

• Be prepared. For me, this means spending a few minutes each night after Emmett goes to bed preparing for the next day.
• Tune out outside noise/housework/tv/etc when you're working.
• Knock out the most important work first thing, so that if/when you are interrupted, the key tasks have already been finished.

I've been able to get all of my freelance work done during Emmett's naptimes and in the evenings so far, but I am planning to take on more work in the coming weeks. In order to get it all done, I am going to have to learn to use naptimes wisely. I have to work really hard to have all of my work planned out and ready to go when Emmett goes down each day, so that I can jump right in and get to work.
A friend who works from home told me recently that she settles in with her work while her son sleeps, and then he inevitably wakes up just as she's getting into the groove. In order to avoid that, I need to work on knocking out as much work as I can right away each day so that when Emmett wakes up, I'm ready to put the work away and tend to him. Which leads me to the next tip:

2. Push work out of your mind when it's "mom time."

Practical tips:

• Put away your work. For me, this means before I pick Emmett up from his nap.
• Don't let work emails and issues that come up distract you from what's important- for me, this is time with Emmett.
• Leave work things in a dedicated work space so that they don't show up in your sight-line all day to distract you.

This one is hard for me. I am learning how to let everything else go and just focus on Emmett when I'm with him. To really be present to him. This is tough for work-from-home moms because unless we create it, there isn't much separation between our work life and our home life. So, I need to figure out ways to keep my work separate, and to push it out of my mind until it's time to work again. Of course there will be times when I need to answer a quick email or prepare for an assignment while Emmett plays, but those times when he needs me, I hope to be totally focused on him.

3. Have an organized, dedicated work space, and make it a place that you love.

Practical tips:

• Set up a desk that's just for work.
• Organize the area from the start, and work each day to keep it organized.
• Put up photos or prints that inspire you.
• Get a few pretty accessories that you love to make the space fun and enjoyable.

This will help to create a little separation between work and the rest of your life. I often work from my bed while Emmett naps, which is nice, but I find myself winding down and getting sleepy just before Emmett wakes up. I'm hoping to set up a desk, and to make it a special place, just for work. I have my eye on a few cute desk accessories (I'm dreaming of things like this, and this, and this!, but Target has lots of cute accessories too), and plan to put up photos and prints of things that inspire me. At my job, I didn't have much freedom when it came to decorating my desk, so I'm looking forward to making my new work space a place that I love and enjoy.

4. Make time for fun!

Practical Tips:

• Set up outings each week, and allow time for spontaneous walks or playtime outdoors.
• Set up play dates each week (at least one!)
• Keep a list of fun outings you want to do, and cross them off your list one by one.

One of the nice things about my freelance job, and working from home in general, is having the freedom to leave your work when you choose and to have a little fun during the workday. I will have Emmett with me most of the time (we plan to keep him in preschool/daycare a couple of mornings a week), so I want to have planned outings each week. I want to take spontaneous walks around the neighborhood (his favorite) for a little change of pace and to call up friends for play dates. There are things I've always wanted to do, like take Emmett to the aquarium or the zoo, that I hope to finally cross off our outings list.

 

5. Go easy on yourself!

Practical tips:

• Remember, some days just won't go the way you want them to. Be okay with that.
• On those days, instead of fighting to keep working, let go of work when necessary, and go back to it when things calm down.
• Ask for help when you need it!

This is probably the most important tip, and the hardest one to follow! No matter what you do, there will be days when you feel like you're failing as a mom, and at your work. There will be days where there just is no such thing as balance, where your children need you and you can't get any work done. On days like this, just go easy on yourself.
I find myself fighting, trying to type just one more email while Emmett fusses and pulls on my legs. I need to remember to just let that stuff go, give in to the flow of the day, and let myself just be with Emmett. It's hard not to get stressed or anxious when there are things that need doing and you just can't get to them, but fighting to keep working just leaves me frustrated with myself and feeling like I'm not doing anything right. On days like this, it's important to go easy on yourself, ask for help if you can, or put work away until things calm down.

These are just a few little tips that I want to work into my own work-from-home life, but I'm sure there are so many more. I'd love to hear yours!