2 Years!

Today is our 2nd Wedding Anniversary! This time two years ago we were in Augusta, Georgia, surrounded by our friends and family, getting ready to be married. We were so excited that day, so happy, and couldn't wait to begin our lives together! It was such a perfect day, and these last two years have brought us so much more than we ever could have expected.

I knew when I married him that Ray would be a wonderful husband. I knew he'd always take care of me, that he'd be strong and constant and loving. But I didn't know how much I would need him, how much I would lean on him. I knew he'd make an amazing father. But I couldn't have imagined how my heart would swell over and over each day as I watch him play with Emmett and take care of him. I knew Ray was a good man, but I didn't know how good. I am so blessed to have him, truly my better half, and I love him more and more each day.

Our wedding day was magic! And these last two years have been even better. I love you so much, Ray. I can't wait to spend the rest of my life trying to be as good to you as you are to me.

Dancing to a song sung by my best friend, written by a friend of his. Magic.

All photos by the wonderful and amazing Tim Willoughby of TimWill Photography. 

Happy Days

Things have been pretty bleak on the blog this Summer, but life is good and happy and free these days so I want to share a little bit about that with y'all today.

First of all, the weather in AZ has started to cool. Don't go crazy, it's still in the 90's during the day but the low 90's is so so so much better than anything over 100, so I'm ecstatic. Like, really happy. We've eaten dinner outside a few times the last few days and in the afternoons I can let Emmett outside to play on the patio while I do dishes or sweep the floors. Oh my gosh he loves to be outside! It's such a relief to finally be able to let him play outside. He comes in and out through the doggy door, which he thinks is hilarious and I think is pretty strange and maybe awful now that I'm telling you about it. But that way I don't have to lose our precious AC and can keep the flies out, but he's free to come and go as he pleases.

It's win-win, since I can actually get things done, and he's happy and tantrum free. Oh glorious weather! It won't actually feel like Fall here until after Halloween, but any drop in degrees makes me a happy happy camper.

Our new schedule is wonderful so far. I can't tell you how much I love spending my afternoons at home with Emmett. I leave work at noon, pick Emmett up from "school", and we eat a quick lunch together. Then we cuddle before his nap. While he sleeps I read or clean or nap, and then we cuddle again while he wakes up. All this cuddling is just what we both need. It warms my heart and I can tell he's more peaceful and secure after spending that time together. This is what I've been missing the last year!

Things are so much more peaceful now. I am able to be truly present to him, for hours each day. I feel peaceful. Like I'm finally right where I'm supposed to be. It feels so good to give so much more of myself to my baby boy. This is the motherhood I've been missing, craving, needing. I am so grateful.

Things have been hard lately, really hard. But it's starting to turn around. I can already feel the positives that have come from the tough things our little family has had to endure. We're stronger, closer, more in love than we were. We know now that no matter what this life throws at us, we'll get through it together and come out okay. I appreciate my husband and my little Emmett more than ever, and feel so so blessed to have them.

So things are good. Beautiful, peaceful, sunny and warm (not hot). I am blessed, and so happy.

P.S. I'm trying these out for a little snack before dinner tonight. I'll let you know how they turn out!

Hope

Today was a good day. I woke up early, spent a few minutes in prayer before everyone else woke up. I had a beautiful and uplifting text from my brother Micah waiting for me, as well as emails and messages from family and friends letting me know they were praying for us. That set the tone for our morning- we were peaceful and happy and calm. I expected to be a mess but instead I felt happy. I think all of your prayers gave that to me, so thank you.

The ultrasound was hard. The waiting room was full of beautiful pregnant women, some with older children, some there to find out the sex of their babies and there were lots of smiling faces. That made the waiting easier. We told the ultrasound tech everything that we've been experiencing the last few weeks and he was kind and understanding. While he did the ultrasound he and the nurse didn't say anything, and that was hard. We weren't sure what we were seeing, but we knew there was no heartbeat.

Straight away after the ultrasound they took us in to another exam room and said the doctor wanted to see us. We were still thinking this was molar, still expecting the worst and braced for it. I broke down and cried for a few minutes, and Ray held me and comforted me, and then we were strong together. After a few minutes the doctor came in with our beloved nurse, and said the magic words: "We see a baby."

There was no heartbeat, but the doctor said the baby is barely measuring at 6 weeks, and is just on the cusp of when we normally begin to see a heartbeat. We didn't have my chart available to say for sure when we conceived, and I was in shock so I didn't think to try to remember the dates myself. I didn't think to ask a lot of the questions I wish I'd asked- I had prepared for worse news than this so I didn't think of questions for this scenario beforehand. He told us what to expect in case we do miscarry, but he said he's not sure that we will. He said there is hope, but prepared me for a miscarriage as well.

They took blood to check my hormone levels again. If my progesterone has plummeted we'll know to expect a miscarriage, but we won't get the labs back until Monday. The doctor told me he's seen women with much heavier bleeding than I'm experiencing go on to have healthy pregnancies and carry their babies to full term. The nurse was full of similar stories.

I am so relieved that we have a baby. A little soul to love and hold on to, either here with us or in heaven. I know there's a good chance we will miscarry, and the next few days and weeks could be very hard. I'm preparing myself for that. But we also have hope. Beautiful, merciful, incredible hope. So I'm choosing to hold on to hope, to pray for this little baby in my belly, for a miracle. I'm choosing to hope, even though it may mean more let down and more pain in the end. I'm choosing hope, because I want this baby and I love this baby and I know that God loves me, even more than my mama heart can imagine. He'll take care of me, and my tiny little angel baby, and He's holding us tight tonight.

Keepin' It Real: Working Late

Linking up with Corinna over at Track 8 for another installment of Keepin' It Real Mondays!

I had to work late today. Things are crazy at work and it was 5:40 before I finished answering emails for the day. That left me about an hour with Emmett before putting him to bed tonight.

Ray is working early and late this week, which means he gets maybe 15 minutes with Emmett in the mornings and he'll be asleep before Ray even comes hom in the evenings. I can't imagine what it would be like if long(er) hours were the norm for us.

Some days the hard/crazy/chaotic part of parenting isn't parenting at all. It's everything else. Oh, to be JUST a parent! To have no worries or cares or struggles except for making sure I'm the best parent I can be to my baby boy.

Keepin' It Real: No TV!!

I'm linking up with Corinna at Track 8 today for Keepin' It Real Mondays! On Monday! So proud of myself! ;)

My husband is on a no TV for Emmett kick right now. Okay I shouldn't say right now.. We try really hard to limit Emmett's screen time all the time, but the boy loves Veggie Tales and Sesame Street and after a long day at work we find ourselves snuggled on the couch with him for an episode before dinner. So this weekend Ray got fed up and we became determined, once again, to keep the TV turned off when Emmett is awake.

Meanwhile, Emmett is obsessed with books! Corinna and Evie gave Emmett a box set of Sandra Boynton's most popular books for his birthday, and we read them over and over and over again all day long. He makes all of the animal noises in Moo, Baa, La La La!, and goes crazy for the "Aaaa-ooooooooo" in Doggies. It's really funny. Over the weekend he re-discovered his basket of books and one by one he pulled them out, squealed in delight as he recognized the covers, and ran them over to Ray or I to read to him 10 times in a row.

Listening to his daddy read "Moo, Baa, La La La!" before bed.

Reading in his teepee. Those buns!

Sunday morning Ray got up with Emmett at 5:30 (new wake-up time... suuuper fun for everyone) and let me sleep in until almost 8. When I came downstairs, I found the two of them cuddled on the couch watching Harry The Bunny episodes, surrounded by books strewn all over the floor, the couch, and the coffee table. So much for that anti-TV resolve!

I can't blame him though. You can only read "Blue Hat, Green Hat" about 1200 times before you crack and run for the remote.

A couple of photos from our weekend:

These two are inseparable.

Baby boy found a tunnel in the shelves at Gap. He had so much fun running back and forth!

Five Faves (2?)

I'm linking up with Grace over at Camp Patton (no one's surprised, I know). She's hosting Five Favorites for Hallie and y'all know I can't resist a good link up!

1. This boy ya'll. He's perfect.

2. These girls. Love them! My sister Shea has been with us for almost a month now and will be heading back to college in a few days. I have really loved having her! Lucia will be back to take her place for another month or so, and then we are on our own for child care. Anyone have a recommendation for affordable, awesome childcare ideas? What works for you?

3. My husband has been waking up with the baby most mornings lately to let me catch some extra z's and it is changing my life. For the first time in a year I don't feel like a crazy half dead zombie. What a man I have.

4. The Fairy Blogmother is my hero this week. I was messing around with my blog layout the other night and I don't know what happened but all of a sudden the beautiful design Erika put together for me was gone and I couldn't get it back. DISASTER. I emailed Erika and she had everything back to beautiful in less than an hour. She's amazing! She added my About Me blurb at the top there too and we're working on a couple more little changes. I can't say enough good things about her!

5. This weekend my sisters and my friend Rachel and I are gonna hop into our Spaceship Coup for a trip to California to see JT and Jay Z. I can't wait to spend some quality time with those ladies and I can't even talk about how excited I am to see JT. I'm a fan girl y'all, big time. I'm leaving Emmett with Ray for the weekend (for the first time!) and we're all a little nervous. They'll do fine of course but I'm really gonna miss them. I know I know, Cry Me a River.

How We Met

Inspired by Grace's link up (and adorable love story), I've decided to write the story of how I met my man.

I moved to Arizona care of San Diego in April of 2010 (or was it 2009? Yes, it was 2009). That's a whole story in itself but I'll spare you. I was trying to get away from an awful situation and thank God I did. Anyhoooo back to the good stuff.

I went to stay with friends of friends (the most wonderful family) in San Diego for a few weeks, and during that time I made plans to visit other friends of the same friends in Tempe, AZ for a week or so. The who and why is all very complicated but suffice it to say, I came to Arizona at the end of May to visit for a week. The first day I arrived I went with friends to a graduation party. I felt right at home with all of the people I met and made friends right away. I met Ray that night, but that part is all very fuzzy. I blame the Arizona heat and the beers and the ensuing dehydration. I'm from Georgia where we basically breathe water all day so I never ever ever drank water in my life. I drank plenty of sweet tea of course, but water was foreign to me. Again, anyhoooo..

A few days into my week in Arizona, I began to realize that I needed more time here. I needed to stay. The family I was staying with had extra space and four children (grown children) my age, and they approached me with the offer to let me stay. They told me that they sensed I was meant to be in Arizona for a while, just like I did. Isn't that amazing?

So I stayed. I went back to San Diego to get my things and made the move to AZ just at the beginning of Summer. It was a tough decision for me because I love my family so much and the thought of staying away from them for an undetermined amount of time was very very VERY difficult for me. But I knew it was the right move somehow, and all of the people around me seemed to know it too. I had so many emotional discussions with my dad about it, and he kept reassuring me that he felt like there was something for me in Arizona (little did we know..), so I felt a little better.

I spent the Summer meeting people, mostly through the family I was staying with, and I was able to make a lot of really wonderful friends in a short time. I felt so welcome and at home here. I continued to see Ray pretty often in groups, but I wasn't interested in dating AT ALL during that time so I really didn't notice him.

Over the Summer there were boys in our group of friends that began to show interest in me. In particular, Ray's best friend (sorry Joe!). Our group is full of very big, loud personalities, and these boys were no exception. But there was one boy who stayed in the background, never trying too hard to spend time with me or talk to me or get my attention, and after a while I began to notice. In the end that's how he got my attention. He'll tell you that was his plan all along, but who knows.

I developed a little crush on him, and eventually got his number from his best friend (again, sorry Joe!), and we started texting back and forth. We hung out in groups a lot and over the next few months we began to spend time together without the group. I was really hesitant because like I said, I wasn't interested in dating anyone at all any time soon, but I knew that Ray was special so we took it really slow. I had a really hard time with the whole thing because I guess I knew that dating Ray meant staying in Arizona, and staying in Arizona meant staying away from Georgia and my family.

Our very first photo together.. It's great, I know.

In the end, obviously, we began dating and after a year he proposed. After another year we were married, 9 months and one day later Emmett was born, and now it's been a year since then! Ohhhh there is so much more to the story but I don't have a clever ending so this is it!!

And now, because I can't resist:

This is my "stop taking pictures of us and making this brand new sort of dating thing awkward!" face.

Ohhhh 20's parties are fun but the costumes are sooooo unfortunate. For me. Ray looks great.

Ohh that unfortunate growing-out-your-bangerangs stage.

The day we got engaged. Swoon. Also I need to find those sunglasses!

Ray's first trip to meet my family in Georgia. Here we are at my favorite FAVORITE restuarant, Veracruz with my little brother who is not that little anymore AT ALL. 

In my parent's front yard. Ray's hair is amazing.

In the Huddle House in my hometown laaaate at night after the bar. Those were the days!

And there you have it! The story of how it alllllllll began.