Thinking about: Life and death and joy and sorrow. Last week was quite a roller coaster, emotionally. A good friend of my dad's passed away after battling cancer. The next day I got an email from a dear friend of mine who found out recently that she was pregnant. I saw the subject, "Prayers Requested," and my heart sank. I quickly said a prayer, begging God that this wasn't what I knew it was. My dear friend was miscarrying.
I want to protect her. To take it away from her. That's one of the hardest things for me, since my own miscarriage a few months ago - knowing that other women, who I love, will have to go through miscarriage and there's nothing I can do to protect them. Talking with her brought back so much of the hurt for me, remembering how it all felt. That dizzying, relentless sorrow that takes over your whole world and you can't imagine life ever being happy again. I was lucky to have my little family, to give me glimpses of joy during the hardest days. My sweet friend was married last year and this was her first pregnancy. That has to be harder. I've been in tears every day just thinking about her and praying for her and wishing this wasn't happening for her.
She told me yesterday that while she wished that I didn't have to know what this loss feels like, it helps her to know that my experience can bless her and other women who are going through miscarriage. That made me thankful. It's strange to be thankful for a miscarriage, but in many ways, I am. I know that I've grown so much since September, and I am stronger. And if I can help one friend through such a hard time in her life, than it was all worth it.
I also found out this week that two other friends are pregnant, and due within a week of each other! Oh my goodness, I'm so thrilled for them. I know that both girls were longing for these babies, and my heart is so full of joy for them.
I don't take any of these things lightly. When a friend of mine is in pain, I feel it, and when they're happy, I feel it too. I tear up when a friend tells me good news, and sob along with them when the news is bad. Ray laughs at me sometimes because I'll pass a stranger on the street and think I sense their pain or sadness and it affects me deeply. I cry in almost every movie we watch (and more often, in commercials. I'm that mom.) I'm just deeply affected by the emotions of others. I am really starting to recognize that in myself and I'm working on harnessing that and trying to figure out how to use it for good.
Watching: The Golden Globes! I love award season. I love texting with my sister and friends gossiping about what everyone's wearing and who's dress is the prettiest and ohmygosh is she really wearing that?! Love it. And can we talk about JLaw?! Perfect.
And a whole lot of Curious George
. Emmett is obsessed. Listening To: At this very minute, Bon Iver by Bon Iver. It's one of those albums that I return to over and over again. Love it.
Thankful For: Community. I know Mary at A Mama Collective already wrote about this, but my heart is full from a weekend full of community so I just have to talk about it here. On Saturday, Jenna and her husband invited over 20 adults and 25 kids to their home to share a meal. The whole evening, I was on cloud 9. I crave community, so my heart was full to the brim being surrounded by so many wonderful friends, sharing our lives over dinner. And seeing Emmett with all of his little buddies was almost too much for me. I just really need that, especially after a hard week of missing my family and the beautiful community where I grew up. Our friends are such a blessing to us!
^^^Playing basketball with friends, getting ready for dinner with his main squeeze Evie and his buddy Joel, and sliding - his favorite! Emmett is really into basketball right now, which makes his daddy very happy. He says "basketball" all day long and loves to play with his itty bitty basketball set at home.
^^^ On Friday, Mary invited Emmett and I to join her and her cuties at the park. It was so fun to almost get to chat with her and watch all the kiddos play. Thanks for the photo of Emmett and I Mary!
^^^ Other than that, our weekend was full of roller coasters, cars, and trains. Pretty much the norm these days.
^ Baby boy loves animals. He knows the sounds they make and recites them all on cue. We love it. Then Saturday night, he surprised us by saying "animal" perfectly! He's learning so many new words!
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